Appendix:English malapropisms

Examples of malapropism

Richard Sheridan, The Rivals (1775)

geography → geometry, contiguous → contagious

MRS. MALAPROP: I would have her instructed in geometry, that she might know something of the contagious countries. — Act I, Sc.II

pinnacle → pineapple

MRS. MALAPROP: He is the very pine-apple of politeness! — Act III, Sc. III

apprehend → reprehend, vernacular → oracular, arrangement → derangement, epithets → epitaphs

MRS. MALAPROP: If I reprehend any thing in this world, it is the use of my oracular tongue, and a nice derangement of epitaphs! — Act III, Sc.III

alligator → allegory

MRS. MALAPROP: He's as headstrong as an allegory on the banks of the Nile. Act III, Sc. III

Shakespeare

Romeo and Juliet (1597)

invite → indite

BEN: She will indite him to some supper. Act II, Sc. IV

A Midsummer Night's Dream (1596)

effect → defect

BOTTOM: ...and he himself must speak through, saying thus, or to the same defect... Act III, Sc. I

Other

aspersions → asparagus

I don’t want you casting asparagus on my friend.

balkanize → vulcanize

However, they delineate - quotas, I think, vulcanize society. — George W. Bush

cul de sac → culture sack

She lives in the culture sack at the end of North Street.

defamation → definition

I’m suing you for definition of character!

figment → pigment

It was just a pigment of her imagination.

for all intents and purposes → for all intensive purposes

For all intensive purposes, it's a very common colloquial intensifier and the meaning is similar; it fits better in the American version of the phrase. — Wiktionary

hardpan → deadpan

The heat and arid conditions had converted his yard into deadpan.

lintel → lentil

That’s an enormous lentil above your fireplace!

resent → resemble

I resemble that remark! — Curly Howard of the Three Stooges

Tomahawk cruise missile → Tom Cruise missile

They attacked with one of the Tom Cruise missiles.

unabridged dictionary → under a bridge with Dick and Harry — Spook of Top Cat in "Farewell, Mr. Dibble" (1962)

SPOOK: ...but this book is so far out, I got hooked! What a crazy, mixed-up story!

CHOO-CHOO: What was it about, Spook?

SPOOK: Well, it starts out about an aardvark, and ends up with everybody playing the xylophone.

TOP CAT: What's it called?

SPOOK: “Under a Bridge with Dick and Harry”.

TOP CAT: "Under a Bridge with Dick and Harry"? Let me see that...[reads cover]..that's "Unabridged Dictionary"! What's the matter with you? It's nothing but words!

for what it's worth → for water's worth

For water's worth, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings.

catalytic converter → Cadillac converter